My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
Life has ups and downs, and it has times that are harder and times that are easier. Unfortunately, it is tough to see out of the harder times when we are in them. When we feel like everything we do is more difficult because of life pushing us down. We don’t even feel that hope that eventually things will get better. It is even more difficult when you have never felt that low before.
The first time that I fell into a really low spot like this was during my freshman year of college. It was a very difficult transition for me. A lot of the people I knew from high school moved away to go to different collages, and of the people who stayed in town, I still saw them a lot less than I did in high school. At the time, I had two other really close friends who I had known from church. Since I had drifted from people at high school, they had become my closest friends over the summer between high school and college. Unfortunately, when school started, they both became very busy, and I didn’t get to see them at all as much as I would have liked to.
School had started, and I started to get adjusted to the new schedule, but I never made any new friends there. I felt very alone a lot of the time. Around this time is actually when I first heard the song “Worn,” and I identified heavily with it. Between the difficulty and newness of school, working tons of hours at my job at the grocery store, and not having enough time with the people that I cared about, I was hurting a lot.
To make matters worse, I couldn’t see a way out. I had a block of time in between classes where I would come home, and eventually it became the time I would come home and cry my eyes out. I didn’t know what to do. I was hurting and I couldn’t see a way it would ever stop.
Towards the end of the year, I was blessed with a situation where I was able to talk to a friend about what I was feeling, and even though he knew some of it, he finally got the whole truth. At that point, I didn’t see any way things could get better, and I felt like giving up.
I didn’t give up, and things did get better. I could finally feel hopeful again. Of course, it’s not like everything was perfect from there on, there were plenty of ups and downs, but the downs have always seemed more hopeful than they did my freshman year.
Now, three and a half years after starting collage, I find myself graduated, and at another transitional period in my life. Unfortunately, I still find it hard to deal with these types of transitions. To be honest, I am terrified of this transition to ‘real life.’ And even though I have made a lot more friends since I started college, I still don’t get to see some of them even close to as often as I would like to. Again, I find myself taking walks around the neighborhood late at night in tears.
The difference is, this time, I do have hope. I have seen God work in my life the last time I felt this way, and he brought me through it. I have a mental list of songs that I go to when I am having a tough time. One of those songs is “It’s Alright” by Brandon Heath, and its chorus is always encouraging.
Everything will be okay
You just hold tight
I’ll be with you the whole way
When you’re weak
I’ll be strong
Keep going, we’re almost home
Everything will be okay