Singleness. If you asked most people, they probably would say that living a life of singleness isn’t their first plan for their life, and also and option that doesn’t seem to appealing. And that totally makes sense. Growing up, I always expected that someday, I would grow up, get married, and have a family. And that is not a bad thing. In fact, that is probably what is in store for many people’s lives, and if that is what God has in store for my life, I would happily embrace that. The unfortunate thing is that society seems to tell us that being single isn’t the ‘right’ way to live life, and the only way to find true happiness in life is by being in a romantic relationship, and the truth is, that is not at all the case.

I was reminded of this last week when I received a comment on my last blog post, which by the way, if you haven’t read that, you can do so here. Anyways, I received a comment on the post from somebody I don’t know. He didn’t agree with my point of view on the subject, and that is okay, I don’t expect most people to. But the thing that really bothered me about it, was something he said about happiness. He said that he hopes I find happiness, whether it is with a man or woman. What bothered me about this was what he was implying by saying this. The implication is that the only two ways to be happy are for either my attractions to be changed from men to women, and then the happiness would be found in a relationship with a women, or the other way is to abandon my faith in order to pursue my desires. This is simply not true. When was it decided that true happiness comes only from a romantic relationship?

Even when you are younger in junior high and high school, it seems like everyone believes that being in a dating relationship is the most important part of their life, and not having a relationship leaves you unfulfilled. I always had a hard time understanding this, because I never felt this way. It may be because I knew that a real relationship was out of the question for me because of my struggles with homosexuality, but still, I feel like even most people who felt like they needed to be in relationships weren’t getting much happiness out of the relationships they were in.

I mostly avoided ridicule for thinking this in high school by using excuses like “I don’t feel ready to date” or something similar, but as I get older, that excuse is going to begin to stop working. Of course, the real reason is that currently, I am not planning to date at all. Especially to people who don’t know about my struggles with homosexuality, that is something I don’t usually mention, because people tend to not understand how that path could lead to a happy life. But a happy life does not stem from the romantic relationships, but from following God’s plan for your life. That could very well include a romantic relationship, and that could bring a lot of happiness, but it could also not include a romantic relationship, and the happiness can come from other things in life. There are so many other things in life that give happiness and fulfillment.

Now of course, not everyone is called to a life of singleness, in fact, most people are probably not. But for those who are, it is not like God is asking you to give up happiness, he is asking you to give up one path, and calling you to another, and there is no telling what that path could be. That is why I am able to confidently pursue a life of singleness, and spend that time and energy that would be spent looking for a spouse and instead use it to follow God and discover more of His path for me.

One thought on “Singleness

  1. Thank you so much! I really appreciate your honesty. I’ve been wrestling with this subject lately and just finished reading two excellent books on the topic, Washed and Waiting and Same Sex Attraction and the Church. Thanks again. God bless!

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